LOST FUNCTIONS

Section 1 of 6

Thinking

The domain of thoughts, opinions, analysis, and intellectual expression.

1. What messages did you receive about thinking for yourself?

What did your family or caregivers communicate — directly or indirectly — about your thoughts and opinions?

Common messages in this domain:

› "Don't think for yourself"
› "Be quiet — adults decide"
› "You're not smart enough"
› "Your opinion doesn't matter"

2. Can you recall a specific example or memory?

A moment, event, or repeated pattern that stands out.

› "A time I remember is being told my idea was wrong in front of others…"
› "I remember sharing my opinion and being laughed at…"
› "My parent always corrected my reasoning, even when I was right…"

3. How did you adapt? What decision did you make to stay safe or connected?

Children are creative — what strategy did you develop in response?

› "I learned to keep my thoughts to myself…"
› "I decided to always agree with authority figures…"
› "I became very analytical to prove I was smart enough…"
› "I stopped sharing ideas unless I was certain they were right…"

4. How does this pattern show up in your relationships today?

Notice how this old adaptation might still be running in the background.

› "I shut down when my partner disagrees with me…"
› "I avoid sharing my real opinions to keep the peace…"
› "I over-control conversations to make sure I'm heard…"
› "I defer to my partner's decisions even when I disagree…"

5. What new permission message would you offer yourself?

A gentle, affirming message that counters the old one. Write it in the first person if you can.

› "I am allowed to think for myself."
› "My thoughts and opinions have value."
› "It is safe for me to share what I think."
› "My perspective matters."

Section 2 of 6

Feeling

The domain of emotions, emotional expression, and emotional safety.

1. What messages did you receive about feeling and expressing emotions?

What was communicated about which emotions were acceptable or safe to show?

Common messages in this domain:

› "Don't cry"
› "Stop being so sensitive"
› "Be nice — don't be angry"
› "Feelings aren't important"

2. Can you recall a specific example or memory?

A moment when an emotion was dismissed, punished, or rewarded in a way that shaped you.

› "A time I remember is crying and being sent to my room…"
› "I remember feeling scared and being told I was overreacting…"
› "Anger was never allowed — only my parent could be angry…"

3. How did you adapt? What decision did you make to stay safe or connected?

What did you do with your emotions to keep the peace or stay loved?

› "I learned to suppress sadness and pretend I was fine…"
› "I decided to only show 'positive' emotions…"
› "I learned to take care of others' feelings instead of my own…"
› "I became the 'happy one' in the family…"

4. How does this pattern show up in your relationships today?

How might this old adaptation affect emotional intimacy or conflict in current relationships?

› "I shut down during conflict and go silent…"
› "I avoid difficult conversations to keep the peace…"
› "I struggle to name what I'm feeling in the moment…"
› "I over-control my emotional reactions…"

5. What new permission message would you offer yourself?

A compassionate, freeing message for your emotional self.

› "I am allowed to feel and express fully."
› "All of my feelings are welcome."
› "My emotions matter and deserve space."
› "It is safe for me to be moved by my own feelings."

Section 3 of 6

Acting / Moving

The domain of action, initiative, movement, and doing.

1. What messages did you receive about taking action, moving, or initiating?

What was communicated about your energy, movement, or drive to act?

Common messages in this domain:

› "Sit still"
› "Don't make a scene"
› "Stop being so loud"
› "You're lazy"

2. Can you recall a specific example or memory?

A time when your natural energy or initiative was redirected or stopped.

› "A time I remember is starting a project and being told to stop and sit down…"
› "I remember being punished for being too energetic or enthusiastic…"
› "My ideas and initiatives were often dismissed or ignored…"

3. How did you adapt? What decision did you make to stay safe or connected?

How did you modify your natural drive or energy to fit in?

› "I learned to become very still and controlled…"
› "I decided to stop starting things in case I was stopped…"
› "I learned to wait for permission before acting…"
› "I became passive to avoid conflict…"

4. How does this pattern show up in your relationships today?

How might this affect your ability to initiate, follow through, or be spontaneous?

› "I wait for others to initiate plans or decisions…"
› "I feel guilty when I'm too energetic or enthusiastic…"
› "I avoid taking the lead even when I know what to do…"
› "I over-control my spontaneity to seem calm…"

5. What new permission message would you offer yourself?

A freeing message for your active, energetic self.

› "I am allowed to move and act freely."
› "My energy and initiative are gifts."
› "It is safe for me to take up space and lead."
› "My drive to act matters and is welcome."

Section 4 of 6

Sensing

The domain of physical senses, body awareness, pleasure, and sensory experience.

1. What messages did you receive about your body, senses, or physical pleasure?

What was communicated about your body, touch, physical enjoyment, or sensory experience?

Common messages in this domain:

› "Don't talk about bodies"
› "Cover up"
› "That's inappropriate"
› "Don't enjoy that too much"

2. Can you recall a specific example or memory?

A time when your sensory experience or bodily expression was restricted or shamed.

› "A time I remember is being told my body was wrong or shameful…"
› "I remember enjoying food or touch and being told to stop…"
› "Physical affection was absent or felt dangerous in my home…"

3. How did you adapt? What decision did you make to stay safe or connected?

How did you manage your sensory self to stay safe or acceptable?

› "I learned to disconnect from my body…"
› "I decided that physical pleasure was wrong or dangerous…"
› "I learned to cover up and hide my physical self…"
› "I became numb to physical sensations to feel safe…"

4. How does this pattern show up in your relationships today?

How might this affect physical intimacy, touch, or bodily presence in relationships?

› "I shut down around physical closeness or touch…"
› "I avoid intimacy or feel shame around my body…"
› "I over-control physical pleasure or deny it to myself…"
› "I feel disconnected from my body during close moments…"

5. What new permission message would you offer yourself?

A healing message for your sensory, embodied self.

› "I am allowed to enjoy my body and senses."
› "My body is safe and worthy of pleasure."
› "It is safe for me to be present in my body."
› "My sensory experience matters."

Section 5 of 6

Being / Aliveness

The domain of simply existing, your vitality, presence, and the right to take up space.

1. What messages did you receive about simply being yourself — your aliveness, presence, or existence?

What was communicated about your right to exist, take up space, or simply be?

Common messages in this domain:

› "You're too much"
› "Tone it down"
› "Quiet down"
› "Don't draw attention to yourself"

2. Can you recall a specific example or memory?

A moment when your very presence or aliveness was too much, unwelcome, or invisible.

› "A time I remember is being told I was 'too much' when I was excited…"
› "I remember being invisible — my needs were simply not acknowledged…"
› "I was told to make myself smaller so others felt comfortable…"

3. How did you adapt? What decision did you make to stay safe or connected?

How did you shrink, hide, or modify your essential self to belong?

› "I learned to make myself invisible and take up as little space as possible…"
› "I decided that being 'too much' was dangerous, so I dimmed my light…"
› "I learned to perform a version of myself that was acceptable…"
› "I became hyper-vigilant about how much space I was taking up…"

4. How does this pattern show up in your relationships today?

How might this affect your sense of belonging, visibility, or authenticity in relationships?

› "I shut down when I feel like I'm 'too much' for my partner…"
› "I avoid being fully present or authentic in relationships…"
› "I over-control my natural enthusiasm to seem more acceptable…"
› "I feel like I need to earn my right to be here…"

5. What new permission message would you offer yourself?

A reclaiming message for your essential aliveness and right to exist fully.

› "I am allowed to take up space and be fully myself."
› "My aliveness matters and is welcome."
› "It is safe for me to be seen and known."
› "I belong here simply by existing."

Section 6 of 6

Integration

Reflect on the whole picture — patterns, insights, and intentions moving forward.

Which domain feels most blocked or restricted for you?

Looking across all five domains, which one feels most constrained or lost?

Which domain feels most alive or accessible for you?

Which domain do you feel most connected to, even if imperfectly?

What core pattern do you notice across your answers?

Is there a theme, a repeated adaptation, or a central wound that seems to run through multiple domains?

What is one growth intention you are taking from this assessment?

A small, concrete step or commitment to reclaiming a lost function — something you can practice this week.

Anything else you'd like to note? (Optional)

Any reflections, questions, or observations that don't fit neatly into the sections above.

IMAGO Lost Functions Assessment

Thinking

Feeling

Acting / Moving

Sensing

Being / Aliveness

Integration

Ready to submit your assessment?